In Praise of Rest
Reflections on Week 1 of Adar Rishon
Two weeks ago I shared my plans for the Jewish month of Adar Rishon. This Jewish leap year includes an extra month before the spring holidays, a gift of time, and I’ve chosen to use it for a personal pause.
I know not everyone on this list has the luxury of any kind of rest right now. If you are dealing with trauma, grief or anxiety from circumstances that require you to stay “on” during this season, I see you and hold you. I wish you rest and better, peaceful times, as soon as possible.
For the last six months — and indeed, for many years now — I’ve been pushing myself hard — hard enough that by last month my body and heart were screaming for a break. In the past, I’ve often waited for some external signal (like getting sick? chas v’shalom!) to grant myself even a little rest. The timing of this year and some personal work inspired me to try something new: to give myself the gift of rest simply because I need and want it.
I had originally thought of this month as a “break” from growth, but I’m discovering that rest offers learning opportunities of its own. Here’s what I’ve been reflecting on in the first days of Adar.
Am I keeping busy to avoid being alone?
As I began “doing less,” I felt disoriented and antsy. Wasn’t there something I was supposed to be doing? Didn’t someone need me me for something?
Anxiety led to boredom. But I was surprised to find loneliness beneath it all. Growing up, as the only child in my family, I often had to solve the “problem” of being alone. Activities helped me fill the time and connect with other people; it’s a habit I’ve continued without being fully aware.
First realization: Sometimes I take on projects to avoid being alone. But if I take on too much, I end up with limited time to be with the very people I care most about! As an adult, I can connect meaningfully with people in many ways.
Free Time
I usually fill my time with task lists and commitments. This month I’ve created a shorter list of things to manage, but by the fourth night around 9:30pm (and for the first time in decades), I reached an hour with nothing I had to do.
At first I experienced small panic — but then, freedom! What could I do with this free time? The question itself was like an open door.
Per my commitment this month, I would not be creating another project like I might at another time. What I did was nothing “special”: I dealt with a few small nagging computer issues, then got into bed early and read a book. A lovely and relaxing evening.
Second realization: “Free time” is not wasted time. It opens space for creativity, calm, and freedom.
Side note: One thing I didn’t do was use all the time on social media or YouTube. I thought I might need better boundaries around those tools for this month, but when I really accepted the gift of free time it seemed too precious to waste on that.
Inherent Worth
Though I know we all have inherent value as human beings, I admit I’ve internalized the Western context that successful results measure one’s self-worth. Honestly, taking even one month off left my ego a bit unsettled. What would define my value if I stopped doing all the things?
The feeling continued this week, as I told a friend about my Adar Rishon journey. I kept searching for some practical result that I could also share. Taking time off didn’t feel like enough.
But I’m learning that tying worth to results not only makes me feel good when I “win” and bad when I “lose.” It also keeps me from trying things that my ego thinks might not work. Why create a new class in a crowded field of teachers, or write a new book that might not sell? In this context, my ego is choosing what’s next, instead of my divine purpose.
Third realization: As a human being, I have inherent value independent of my results. By living this wisdom, I can focus on my deeper purpose, whether it meets societal standards of success or not.
The Value of Rest
In the past, I’ve thought of rest as a necessary evil. If only I needed less sleep, think how much more I could accomplish! If I could work constantly (except, of course, on Shabbat), perhaps I do more to make things better in this broken world.
This month, I am learning something new about rest: how it affirms, calms, and rejuvenates. I am taking care of myself better, and enjoying my family more. I am learning Torah, praying more deeply, exercising more consistently, and writing poetry with no clarity about whether it might be published. I’ve lost track of my phone for hours at a time. I am going to sleep earlier. I am listening for the still, small voice of wisdom instead of diving straight into the next thing.
To be clear: I’m still working my regular job, living my Torah life, and parenting. This experience didn’t come from stopping my life. I haven’t given up my most important commitments. Instead, it came from letting projects naturally pause, and not starting new ones, in a gift of a month that pushes the Jewish holidays a bit later in the year so they can wait.
It’s come from giving up the constant drive to do more and more, to fill my time so completely with projects and commitments that I don’t have enough time to take care of myself.
If this sounds familiar, I offer this:
Rest is not selfish. Rest is a gift you are worthy of. And if you let it, rest will help you be who you most want to be.
May this Adar Rishon be a time of rejuvenation, healing, focusing on what matters most, and preparing the ground for later, more meaningful growth.
And please, Hashem, may we see lasting peace and the hostages coming home, soon in our days.
Evonne
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