What your heart needs to hear right now
An answer to the angel that calls, "Grow."
In the midrash, we learn that every single blade of grass has an angel that strikes it and says to it, “grow.”
Rabbi Simon said:
There is not a single blade of grass that does not have a constellation in the firmament [a heavenly force or angel] that strikes it and says to it: ‘Grow.’
— Bereishit Rabbah 10:6, translation from Sefaria
As we prepare to depart from the Jewish month of Shvat, a month that sets the stage for hope and the dawn of spring, I appreciate this source, which teaches every aspect of the natural world is precious — not a single blade of grass is outside of the master plan of our shared Creator.
And yet, I also find myself pondering how it feels to be that blade of grass, constantly being struck and urged to grow. I know growth isn’t always joyful. It may be exhausting, hard work. Sometimes it comes out of difficult times, like those we’ve all been living through, whether in Israel or around the world. It can be overwhelming.
At some point, I feel like saying, “Enough growth! I need a break.”
In my novel, The Prophetess, Rachel reaches a point where she feels she cannot go on. She asks for a break, and receives a difficult answer:
“It’s not possible to slow down. We need to increase your skills. To keep pace with your gifts.”
There are times when the only option is to keep moving forward. But recently, I have been asking myself whether this is always the case. Am I pushing forward because it is really not possible to slow down, or might a rest actually be a better choice?
Is it my ego or my insecurities pushing me, rather than a higher call?
This coming week, we’ll begin the Jewish month of Adar. Usually, it’s the month of Purim and the lead-up to that busy holiday season of spring. But this is a Jewish leap year. We get two months of Adar. The first Adar is a quieter time, a pause, an extended fallow time before spring and all its growth.
This year, I’m taking that seasonal cue to heart. I’m asking:
Could I stop for a short while in the midst of time, to rest? Can a pause help me integrate my growth to this point? What would happen if I gave myself a little time to stop pushing toward endless growth, and tended instead to inner quiet and the nurturing of my own body and soul?
I share this in case you, too, could benefit from taking time in the first Adar to rest. To breathe. To huddle in the cocoon a bit, before transforming into the butterfly you will one day be. To simply allow yourself to be, as you are, with no work or change needed at all.
Maybe now is a time to tell that angel who calls for growth that you’ll get back to her in a month or so.
I can offer a few things that might help:
In RitualWell’s “Holding Each Other” space last Thursday afternoon, I read a poem which is not yet published but will be forthcoming from The Jewish Writing Project later this year. Participants then explored together the prompt, “What does your heart need to hear right now?” The short live recording of my poem and the prompt is available online. Whether or not you listen to the recording, I encourage you to spend a few moments asking that question and writing down the answer. It can be a healing and nurturing experience to stop and listen to your heart!
My poem, A Blessing for Dreamers (2024), was published in RitualWell last month. If you have been feeling like your big visions were shattered on October 7 and since, this poem might speak to you.
If you’d like to use Adar I for personal reflection on your gifts, give the Heroine’s Journal a try. It’s a printable on my website, a free gift to empower you to discover and live your dreams. No action required in Adar I (!), but it might prepare you for a meaningful spring.
Have you been meaning to read The Prophetess but haven’t found time yet? Just saying, reading is a great way to take a break, and you’ll be inspired and uplifted when you finish it.
Of course, the beauty of a fallow time is doing less. The most healing thing you might do in preparation for Adar I may be writing a To Don’t list, of all the things you are willing to put on hold for a little while to create space until the beginning of Adar II.
May this coming Adar be a time of rejuvenation, healing, focusing on what matters most, and preparing the ground for later, more meaningful growth.
And please, Hashem, may we see lasting peace and the hostages coming home, soon in our days.
Evonne
P.S. Do you have a book club? I’m always happy to talk about The Prophetess to groups. Check out Discussion Questions for Book Clubs and please let me know if you’d like me to join you!
P.P.S. Cyberspace being what it is, this email may have been flagged as spam in your inbox. I promise, it's really me, trying to finish this before Adar I starts so we can ALL use that time for a rest. (No bot would know that but you do, right?) If you want to see more messages from me, please let your email service know I'm real and writing to you from my author account, evonnewrites@gmail.com.